I keep checking in with myself to see how I'm feeling about it, because this is such an entirely new experience for me. It's hard to say.
Last night we had a big blowout pool going away party for us, which a whole bunch of our friends came to, and was really fun...although a lot of Riley's work friends came, and while they were great (and brought lots of food!) I kind of wished it had been more of our close friends, cuz I had a hard time connecting with them in a "we're about to leave" sense. IDK, hard to explain. I did have a really good time with my friends who came, despite the pool Nazis of Riley's apt complex. Afterwards, Riley, Thea and I had a mostly naked cuddle-touch party (all 3 of us were feeling deprived after camp) and watched the IT Crowd and I felt the love.
For the last couple days I've been slowly packing. Yesterday I took down the decorations in my room that I'm going to bring, which was about half of them. My walls are looking really bare (although they still have a good amount of stuff on them) for the first time in at least 8 years. Tonight I took down even more decor and packed more of my bedside table & bookshelf stuff. Mostly I just have to pack my clothes and I'm pretty much done. Worried about fitting it all into the van--on the first trip, Riley and I are driving my dad's van and his mom is driving his car with our mattress strapped to the top, lol. Then my parents are driving my car up in a week with another load. So theoretically, we SHOULD have enough room. I have so much shit, though. I'm having a bit of a Tyler Durden moment with all of it.
Major concerns right now are being able to fit all this stuff in our room in a neat fashion, getting up there okay (and not have the mattress blow off and take out half the freeway), and of course the relentless press of money. I withdrew all my savings today so that I can deposit it in a new account at a credit union up there, where me and Riley will have a joint account for paying rent (EEK!).
I'm also worried about my mom, who is NOT dealing well with me leaving. Last night she was sending me sad texts like "Walls too bare" and she left me a note on my bed asking me not to take ALL my decor down cuz then my room wouldn't be me. Apparently she slept in my bed last night and cried a lot. Oy. By the way, do you see the over-emotional mother-daughter resemblances? =PP
Still feeling good about actually living with Riley. A lot of my worries about getting along with him, sharing space, money, etc have really just kind of smoothed out based on the convos we've been having and just the fact that we're actually about to really go through with it. Somehow up to this point it's still seemed sort of theoretical but now, holy shit, it's actually happening. This weekend at camp we kept going up to each other and going "WE'RE MOVING IN TOGETHER" and then screaming or jumping up or down or running away or whatever =P Also, I just...I just continue to love him more, constantly. At camp especially--seeing him flourishing socially even when we were in different circles (which is nothing new, but still nice to see), seeing people respecting him (he was a covenant group leader!), and seeing him being so at home in the community where I've always felt at home...and even just seeing him walking around, listening to him crack jokes, horsing around with him...I just kept feeling huge surges of "oh my god, I can't believe how much I love him" feeling. And that feeling just makes everything happy and right in my world and makes me feel like we can do anything because of how sure I am about my love for him and his love for me.
So yeah. Tomorrow I'm packing my clothes, and then probably going out to one last bar hurrah with the Thursday Knights (I hope). Still not dealing very much with leaving all my closest friends, but I'm coming to terms with it. Friday we load up the cars and see what we can fit. And then very early Saturday morning...we're off.
I'd appreciate any calm or supportive vibes you can send my way. I'm so excited, but still so in need of comfort and support and if you just think of me, I'm sure I'll feel it :)
I'm just feeling pretty awesome about life and changes and everything right now, guys.
T-minus 2.5 days until the move.